{"product_id":"fearful-avoidant-robert-smith-9798180091512","title":"Fearful Avoidant: A Field Guide to Disorganized Attachment - How to End the Push-Pull, Calm the Fear of Closeness, and Finally Feel Safe in Love","description":"You want them. Then, the moment it gets real, you go cold and need to run.\u003cp\u003eYou pull someone close and then push them away - sometimes in the same week, sometimes within the same hour. You crave closeness and you are terrified of it, both at once. You have stood in doorways you could neither walk through nor close. If you have lived this exhausting internal civil war, you are not broken, and you are not alone. You are fearful-avoidant.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFearful-avoidant attachment - also called \u003ci\u003edisorganized\u003c\/i\u003e or \u003ci\u003eanxious-avoidant\u003c\/i\u003e attachment - is the most painful of the insecure styles, because it is not one strategy but two contradictory ones firing at the same time: the anxious longing to be held, and the avoidant certainty that being held is dangerous. It forms in childhood, when the person you needed for comfort was also, at least sometimes, a source of fear. The solution that kept you safe then is the thing breaking your relationships now.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the field guide. In fifteen chapters and fifteen practices, Robert Smith maps the pattern with unusual precision and warmth - and then gives you the slow, specific work of teaching a nervous system that braced for danger inside closeness that closeness, this time, is survivable.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eInside, you will learn how to: \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRecognize the two alarms - the pull and the push - and exactly what trips each one\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTrace where the fear was installed, without blame, and loosen its grip on the present\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCalm the sudden cold - the deactivation reflex that kills feeling the instant love gets safe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStop sabotaging relationships at the threshold of real intimacy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eQuiet the shame spiral that follows every time you push someone away\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLearn to stay - tolerate closeness without fleeing - one graded step at a time\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTell the truth about your push-pull, choose partners who can actually stay, and repair after a rupture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBecome your own secure base, so the door is finally one you open and close on purpose\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eGrounded in attachment science and the biology of the nervous system - Bowlby and Ainsworth, Main and Hesse, Porges, van der Kolk, Levine, Sue Johnson - and built for the long work of earned security. Because the research is clear: a person who did not receive secure attachment in childhood can build it as an adult. Even from the most disorganized start.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eIf you have spent years lonely inside reach of love, start here.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eAuthor:\u003c\/b\u003e Robert Smith\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eISBN-13:\u003c\/b\u003e 9798180091512\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublisher:\u003c\/b\u003e Independently Published\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eLanguage:\u003c\/b\u003e English\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublished:\u003c\/b\u003e 06\/05\/2026\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePages:\u003c\/b\u003e 206\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eFormat:\u003c\/b\u003e Paperback\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWeight:\u003c\/b\u003e 0.56lbs\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 9.00h x 6.00w x 0.52d","brand":"Robert Smith","offers":[{"title":"Paperback","offer_id":49097351495935,"sku":"9798180091512","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/www.whiterainbookhouse.com\/products\/fearful-avoidant-robert-smith-9798180091512","provider":"WR Book House","version":"1.0","type":"link"}