{"product_id":"witness-protection-for-suburban-psychopaths-david-jr-lagattuta-9798290496726","title":"Witness Protection for Suburban Psychopaths","description":"\u003cp\u003eJo Buckley didn't ask to be someone's fake wife. She especially didn't ask to be relocated to a Florida cul-de-sac full of nosy neighbors, smart fridges reporting her mood swings to a federal data cluster, and a government-issued husband who alphabetizes his spice rack and once ran a podcast called Namaste, Finance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut here she is. New name. New address. Plastic flamingos on the mailbox. One HOA violation away from losing what little cover she has left.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe program is called the Swap - a bureaucratic fever dream where witnesses get reassigned into fake marriages inside a prefab subdivision, because nothing screams nothing to see herelike matching throw pillows and a half-argued trip to HomeGoods. The algorithm didn't check for compatibility. It checked face shape and threat radius, then called it a success.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJo's fake husband Tyler meditates, cries at content about dogs, and has a skincare routine longer than his criminal record. Her neighbor Tracy has rewritten the HOA bylaws in gel pen and shows signs of building a tactical command center out of a craft room. Next door, Chad - government-assigned to someone, don't ask who - is livestreaming the entire operation to six hundred thousand followers while vaping on a porch he legally does not own.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNone of them were supposed to be heroes. They were supposed to disappear.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThen Tyler vanishes. The Bureau goes quiet in that specific way that means someone is drafting a cover story. The smart fridges start sending reports nobody requested. And Jo starts to figure out that the surveillance infrastructure running their neighborhood isn't just watching them - it's reshaping them, one behavioral correction at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWitness Protection for Suburban Psychopaths is a sharp, funny, and surprisingly sincere novel about four strangers who were handed fake lives and accidentally built real ones - right up until the moment the people who programmed them decided to run a Phase Three.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe flamingo incident was just the beginning.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eAuthor:\u003c\/b\u003e David Jr. Lagattuta\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eISBN-13:\u003c\/b\u003e 9798290496726\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublisher:\u003c\/b\u003e Independently Published\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eLanguage:\u003c\/b\u003e English\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublished:\u003c\/b\u003e 07\/02\/2025\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePages:\u003c\/b\u003e 104\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eFormat:\u003c\/b\u003e Paperback\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWeight:\u003c\/b\u003e 0.33lbs\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 9.00h x 6.00w x 0.25d","brand":"David Jr. Lagattuta","offers":[{"title":"Paperback","offer_id":49169670308095,"sku":"9798290496726","price":13.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/www.whiterainbookhouse.com\/products\/witness-protection-for-suburban-psychopaths-david-jr-lagattuta-9798290496726","provider":"WR Book House","version":"1.0","type":"link"}