{"product_id":"wood-cat-collins-9798987036396","title":"Wood","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNico: \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAfter an off-season drunken naked hockey game sliced my manhood off, I was whisked away to the secret island of Dr. Horatio Frankenpeen who used a little bit of medical science and a whole lot of magic to restore my crotch to its former glory. Get this: using a magic piece of wood from a famous puppet. Cool, right? It worked exactly like it should if you know what I mean, so I went back to my life as the star of the San Antonio Tower NHL team. Only after a small blip at an interview, I was given a special media consultant to shadow my every move so the bad press didn't get worse. When I started spouting the lies she fed me, I noticed a problem downtown.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy replacement eggplant grew every time I lied. That left me with a conundrum: tell the truth and get booted off the team or lie and grow right out of my jock strap. Which do you think I chose?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e Laurel: \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e I'd coached people back from things worse than angry outbursts before. It was the wooden member that was going to be difficult to navigate. If I didn't get Nico's penchant for honesty under control, we'd both be out of a job. He was going to have to get used to lying. Just like me when I said I wasn't attracted to him.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eDisclaimer: \u003c\/em\u003e At present is not medically possible to reattach an appendage with a piece of wood. (Come on, future. Don't let us down!), so please don't hack off any eggplants as a result of this story. And don't worry, there will not be any splinters\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eAuthor:\u003c\/b\u003e Cat Collins\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eISBN-13:\u003c\/b\u003e 9798987036396\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublisher:\u003c\/b\u003e Dramatic Tuba Books\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eLanguage:\u003c\/b\u003e English\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePublished:\u003c\/b\u003e 06\/09\/2024\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePages:\u003c\/b\u003e 124\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eFormat:\u003c\/b\u003e Paperback\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWeight:\u003c\/b\u003e 0.33lbs\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 8.50h x 5.50w x 0.26d","brand":"Cat Collins","offers":[{"title":"Paperback","offer_id":48852417446143,"sku":"9798987036396","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"url":"https:\/\/www.whiterainbookhouse.com\/products\/wood-cat-collins-9798987036396","provider":"WR Book House","version":"1.0","type":"link"}