31 Poems for BLACK Gay Men ...AND THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEM.: J.Unbeknowst (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9798629256052)

Young black boys are not taught about aesthetics. Throughout my upbringing I learned a great deal of what others think a man is supposed to be. I learned about masculinity, strength, endurance, courage, Moral and all the things fundamental and essential to what "makes a man" .When I was going to elementary school I picked out a pair of white and blue sneakers that my father called "Cinderella Slippers" as an insult. To me, it was a compliment. He didn't know what beauty was. It was evident in the way he treated my mother. I soon learned what beauty was. When I was in middle school I saw a boy who I couldn't keep my eyes off of. You know the type? Tall, dark, handsome. Dreamy brown eyes, with fluttering eyelashes. It was all in a photograph and it was beautiful. When I saw him in person it was a dream come true. The most beautiful being I've ever saw with a very prestigious name to match. Diamond. My mother didn't recognize his beauty and she tore me from him. How could she not see what I saw? How desperately I wanted to be apart of his beauty, his light, longing, seeking his aesthetic. When I was in high school I showed up to my English class in shades, sea shells and a walk that said "Look at me, I'm not hiding anything" but deep down I was. I didn't know what beauty was, I looked for it in all the wrong places, my search for beauty at such a young age broke me mentally. Mothers why do you not teach your sons that they are as beautiful as your daughters?! Fathers why do you lead your sons to believe that they are not worthy of feeling beautiful? Who created the mentality that beauty is feminine? Why do we not associate masculinity with beauty? I didn't learn about aesthetics until high school. My art teacher said the word and it stuck with me. Aes-thet-ic/esˈTHedik/Learn to pronounceadjective1. concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty.Such a powerful word, to study what makes something beautiful, visually appealing, in awe to look at. I always thought I was ugly. I never imagined being the one anyone would look at as beautiful. I desperately wanted to be beautiful, to be loved, to be pleasing to the eye others, but no one saw me. I acted in ways to receive attention that put me in predicaments I'm not proud of. Searching for beauty. In college I had long hair and cut it. Who I saw in the inside didn't match who I saw on the outside. I was no longer pleased with the way I looked. Cutting it made me feel beautiful. Before cutting it...No one made me feel beautiful. The ones who did manipulated me into situations that have forever scared me. Still studying beauty. I forgave, that was beautiful, I moved on, that was beautiful and even on my darkest days, I found a Light with a name that shatters the walls of illumination. Luminous Lumens. I've never felt beautiful, I probably never will. But I will forever teach my black boys their aesthetic: The ESSENCE of Beauty.

Author: Joshua McKnight,J. Unbeknowst
ISBN-13: 9798629256052
Publisher: Independently Published
Language: English
Published: 03/22/2020
Pages: 36
Format: Paperback
Weight: 0.15lbs
Size: 9.02h x 5.98w x 0.09d