Community Service. (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9780993107689)

Timothy Conehead has an honorary degree from Liverpool John Moore's University and was shortlisted for the Nobel Peace Prize for Illiteracy in 2016. He is friends with the Liver Birds, coaches Sir Ken Dodd's Diddy men in the art of nonsense on Friday mornings and has agreed to be interviewed by his mate John Bishop in his new series to be screened later next year. He adores Craig Charles and is set to partner Danny John-Jules in the next series of Red Dwarf. He is a frequent visitor to Anfield and it is rumoured that he is currently in talks with Jurgen Klopp and could be the Reds secret weapon in the New Year. It has also just been confirmed that he will feature on Sir Paul McCartney's latest CD in 2017. Only joking!! Timothy is really clever and intelligent but needed a ghost writer to help him and so Sir Lord Jack of the Kingdom of Goodness and Love came back from Rainbow Bridge to help him when mummy was at work but he couldn't do it all and so we threw a bag of flour over mummy and put a white sheet over her so she could do some ghostly writing for me too! He has written to Santa Claus to ask for a new seesaw that will be kind to him and his dearest wish is to meet Paul O'Grady and to visit his farm to help him to round up his six sheep. Our Laddie the Baddie came to help too and to make sue I put that nice picture of him in when he looks like he was being good and not a baddie. In between doing ghostly writing for me and taking me to torture training mummy also is a hypnotherapist in the posh street in Liverpool just near the red light district where we think she plays games for money but we are not sure, they could be mind games or they could be any sort of games but I think she is on top of her game or on top in the game, I'm not sure now. She tells everyone she is a professional though and a nod is as good as a wink to a blind camel hiding in the cellar. Mummy also writes about unicorns and there is a series called 'Life on Belles Haven' Mummy writes lots of poetry I think it helps her to feel calm after trying to train us and saves her from needing therapy. Mummy is also known as Kathleen Phythian but only when she answers the phone and then she goes like this, she goes " Kathleen Phythian how can I help you?" and then she talks to people about all her problems, no sorry she talks to people about their problems and when she comes off the phone she is mummy again! Sometimes she is called K.P. Nuts but please don't tell.