Cthulhu Take The Wheel: The Collected Advice Columns of Dear Cthulhu, Vol. 7 (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9781958310090)

Dear Cthulhu,

I have a daughter who's driving me crazy. She used to be a wonderful child, as sweet as can be. Ever since she turned 13, she has done nothing but yell and scream at everybody and tell us what horrible parents we are. I work sixty hours a week so I don't have much time at home. I was used to having quality time with my kid when I came home, not this teenaged battlefield. My wife goes to church a lot and thinks my daughter is possessed. She even wants our daughter to have an exorcism, but the minister at the church won't do it unless both parents sign off. It seems members of other churches have killed children in the past who just had epilepsy or things like that so the form is a necessity. I was homeschooled and only had brothers, so I'm not really sure what the best way to raise a daughter is. Despite that, it doesn't seem to me that exorcism is the right way to go. What do you think I should do?

-Dad At The End Of His Line In Lafayette

Dear Lafayette,

Cthulhu highly doubts that your daughter is possessed. What is most likely happening is she has hit puberty and hormones are raging through her and making her act the way you describe. It is not uncommon for human females to become loud, argumentative, and angry during this change in life. It can happen to males as well, but the females of your species seem to have gotten it worse. What your daughter needs is for you to remain as calm as possible, give her space, and from what Cthulhu's letters have told me, provide her with lots of chocolate. On the plus side, in five to ten years, she should be out living on her own so you only have to do your best to hold on until then. I've had naps that lasted longer than that.