How to Survive Being 3: By A Four-Year-Old Who Has Seen Some Things (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9798185408339)

The ultimate milestone birthday gift for newly minted three-year-olds... and a hilarious survival guide for the exhausted parents who have to raise them.

Listen up, rookie. Yesterday, you were a baby. You could just lie there, drool on your shirt, and get whatever you wanted. Those days are over. Now, the Big People expect you to do things. Hard things. Like putting your own shoes on the correct feet.

Written from the perspective of a world-weary four-year-old veteran, this is the ultimate, tactical field guide through the daily battlegrounds of toddlerhood. It covers every major hostage situation a three-year-old will face, including:

• The Sock Seam Crisis: Why a millimeter of askew fabric means your foot is broken and you must immediately deploy "The Dying Fire Truck" maneuver.

• The Great Culinary Betrayal: What to do when a molecule of broccoli touches a chicken nugget and turns your dinner plate into a crime scene.

• The Noodle Spine Defense: How to completely remove all bones from your body to escape the giant rolling cart at the grocery store.

• The Bath Time Paradox: How to handle the absolute hypocrisy of adults forcing you into the water, only to demand you get out the second you start splashing.

While this book is officially listed for ages 3 to 6, please note that this is a dual-audience read-aloud book. It contains longer, much funnier blocks of text than a standard "point-and-say" baby book.

How to use this book: Read it aloud to your child. Point at the illustrations. Look at them and say, "This is so you!"

Perfect for any parent who has ever watched their child turn into liquid spaghetti in the middle of Target.

Scroll up, grab your copy, and survive the year!