Love in a Time of Caterpillars: A Memoir of Monarchs and Caregiving (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9780980116588)

When the author's husband, Alan, started on his downward spiral into dementia, their work with monarch butterfly conservation gave him a perfect distraction and her an antidote for despair. Their emotional connection as a couple continued throughout his unyielding decline, renewed by the orange-and-black winged visitors to their home garden. As Alan's caregiver, Allene came up with practical and creative solutions to preserve both his dignity and her own sanity with each new loss. Loving lies, distraction, crafting workarounds, and turning to her dementia support group are some of the ways she maintained a sense of normality. These takeaways are woven throughout the linked memoir essays, which are often tender, sometimes humorous, and occasionally harrowing. Yet above all, this is a love story and the story of a marriage. It is also the unfolding drama of a wife's survival, about how she stealthily introduced caregiving help, squeezed out time for herself, and faced a diagnosis of breast cancer and surgery just as Alan lost the ability to recognize her as his wife. Despite all this, and even in the most frustrating and frightening moments of his illness, the author found gifts of gratitude and abundant reasons to celebrate their shared life.