Parrots and Witches: Or, Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. Without Them, Life Is So Simple, Believe Me (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9781087801445)

My earliest memory ever is the first time I successfully walked. Me and my mom. Well, of course, my mom already knew how to walk. But not me. Me and my mom. We were in the kitchen of our first family home. Dad must have been at work. I can't even remember how old I was. Couldn't have been too old. I stood up by myself, leaning against a kitchen counter. My mom walked to the other side of the small kitchen, big to a little tot like me who had never successfully figured out this walking trick before. She wordlessly motioned for me to come to her. I remember feeling scared to death to try, fearing I would plop face down on the yellow linoleum floor if I dared, never to get up.

I desperately wanted my mom to come to me, but my mom kept motioning me to come to her. I finally relented and pushed off against the kitchen counter. One step. Then two. A third. A fourth and fifth. Thinking back on this adventure all these years later I can recall we had a small kitchen. Not too many steps required. I fell into my mother's arms, upright, triumphant. Spent.

That's life. Challenges and conquests. Falling flat on your face on the linoleum, picking yourself up, and trying again. They say death and taxes are the only things you can count on in life. I say bull. Taxes are for suckers. Just ask any politician. And death is a con game dreamed up by holy rollers, preachers and grifters. I have learned that death is just another challenge to overcome. Challenge itself is the only thing you can count on in life. No matter how many challenges you face and conquer, there will always be another challenge knocking you face down on the linoleum. Comes the true challenge when you grow up and become an adult. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. No, not the ones you think. Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. These are the greatest challenges of all. Overcoming these challenges is what makes life such a bitch. Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. Without them, life is so simple, believe me.