You Might Be an Overweight American If⁎⁎⁎ (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9798234043986)

As your plane was taxiing to the runway, have you ever felt desperate enough to pull the emergency row door latch to avoid the shame of getting bald-headed BO from the sweaty armpit flap resting on your head that belongs to your hippopotamic seatmate? If not, what about having your life ruined instantly as an internet sensation meme for appearing to twerk with a "Big Butts of Walmart" customer when you were just trying to squeeze by as she bent over to grab a box of Twinkies from the bottom shelf? Either way, take one good look at the grazing, "All U Can Eat" herd at any Golden Corral buffet line and you'll realize we've got a humongous problem on our hands. Modern overweight Americans are taking up so much extra space now, you need to educate yourself before you become the next helpless victim when the looming "Bursting Yoga Pants Apocalypse" comes to a grocery store near you.

IN THIS BOOK YOU'LL LEARN YOU MIGHT BE AN OVERWEIGHT AMERICAN IF YOU'VE EVER DONE A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR:

• The revised American Karma Sutra guide for suffocation avoidance
• Does Domino's deliver to porta potties for lifetime, loyal, constipated customers?
• Why your butt doesn't look any smaller in an "Objects in the mirror appear smaller than actual size" mirror
• 12 hour Extra-Mayo Clinic diets for beginners
• Victoria's Barely Kept Secrets for the "mature figured" woman
• Lamaze breathing classes for hot dog eating contest champions
• Federal mandatory minimum sentencing for triggering a cannonball tsunami
• Airplane squished, squashed or smooshed middle seat preference
• Middle-aged man boob lingerie

As you enjoy this original collection of hundreds of clean one-liners, sketches, monologues and stand-up comedy about overweight Americans, you will no longer have to wonder why there seems to be an unusual amount of seismic activity in your area. I am sorry to inform you if you don't buy this book now to revel in our proud overweight history, you may not have another chance. Due to the explosion of miracle weight loss drugs, soon ocean levels won't be rising anymore, methane gas emissions will plummet to historic lows and jokes about chubby people will be dumped from our vocabulary faster than the word "limpdick" did after the invention of Viagra.